Leon de Leeuw
Why being a single man is just fantastic
There’s benefits to being a single man. In fact, it’s great. However, it can go two ways. Choose wisely. You choose every day, for the rest of your life, to stay on the way or divert. It’s not easy but it’s worth it in the long run. Choose the path of moving your life forward. Of becoming a better man.
How many petty issues have you let your mind worry about in the past 24 hours? You’ll probably manage to come up with quite a few. You know very well which things you should stop doing right now in order to have a more fulfilled life. Yet you don’t stop doing them. Why so? We can be self-destructive. Counter-intuitive. It shows in the way we can give other people good advice that we fail to follow ourselves. We don’t love ourselves enough, yet we know we should. And if we look close enough at ourselves, on a sunny morning and our hair is neat and shiny, and our eyes are bright and our cheeks are full, we know we should give ourselves more credit than we do.
On being single – it’s a burden to many. But realize – the grass is always greener on the other side. You might want someone to cuddle with on a rainy afternoon and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it can be very satisfying and it’s an asset to your life. However, you must not forego the present moment striving for a relationship that adds fulfilment to your life. You can do a lot to be fulfilled already, without spending your time on dating apps or hanging around in bars. Looking from the other side, there’s the married guy who’s slowly balding and walking around with his stroller. Yes, he loves his marriage or perhaps keeps it a secret that he wants nothing more than to be on his own again. There’s no return, at least not without a divorce or break up.
Think of yourself as a single man with a deck of good cards. You know when to fold – when you do meet the partner you always wished for. And you do know how to keep your cards, so you don’t lose the game. Keep your cards for a long time – they might come in handy. You choose the other way, you try to love yourself and work on self-care as much as you can. In the long run, it’s the most rewarding thing you can do as a single man.
You’ll need to leave the self-pity cave right now. You could live in your mom’s basement, playing games until sunrise. But look at what you’re doing through the eyes of your eighty-year old self. Would he be happy with the way you spent your finite life? Probably not much. At the point of reading this, you might be in your twenties. With means you’re a quarter dead. Yes, you’re going to die. It’s frightening, but the sooner you emphasize this to yourself, the better. Your life is going to end and there’s no way around it. Though scary it may be, know that you’re all in. It can be a relieve if you think about it long enough and get through the hard phase of accepting that you’re going to be wiped off the face of the earth. Like a grain of sand. You will be gone and even if you’d come to be very influential, over the course of time nobody will remember you. Yes, it’s terrible, but you need to realize you’re all in. We all lose in the end. So, why not make the best of it right now? Don’t you feel your knees shaking now, when you just wasted hours browsing on Facebook? If you’d die tomorrow, would you be doing the same things you did today?
We keep postponing and thinking about small stuff that doesn’t matter in the long run. Your eighty-year old self will have regrets. Minimize the regrets while you can. You’re most likely healthy. You can see, hear, walk and talk. If you concentrate, you can feel the energy moving through your body. And how often do you do that? Are you ever in the present moment? It’s unlikely, unless you practice doing so. You must start. On your dying bed, you’ll look back onto yourself when you were this age. Whether you were single or not, it doesn’t matter in the end. You can be just as proud of a successful relationship as a phase of personal development you went through. It comes down to the big picture, on whether you found purpose in your daily life. In whether you got out of your comfort zone. Stop caring about other people’s opinions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. These people are terrified of ending up alone, of dying alone. What they say – what they think – has nothing to do with you. People are stuck up with themselves and some people cannot stand the fact that you’re free. Especially once you start achieving good stuff for yourself. It’s the bucket with crabs, some people will try to pull you back down in. Stand strong alone. Surround yourself with the people that support you. There are so many great people out there. Do not feel weak when you tell someone you’re single. You have no reason to feel sad when you say you spent your weekend alone. You should not feel guilty even for being a virgin. In fact, it’s beautiful. You waited and you’ll keep waiting, meanwhile making the most of what is now.
You can do anything with this moment. Cherish your health. One day, you’ll be old and will look back on the carefree days. When you could run down the stairs, into the sunshine. That moment is now. This is who you are right now. Walk outside, into the sun, feel the heat on your skin. In sixty years, you would do anything to go back to this moment. You’ll long for it like nothing else on earth. Enjoy a good fruit juice and do nothing else during that time. Focus on the juice. Focus on your coffee and cherish the moment – know how good you have it. There’s literally millions of men, single or married – that would kill to be in your place right now. Yet you’re feeling bad about being single. About being alone. It doesn’t matter.
You can do anything with this moment. You can learn literally anything. At no moment in human history has knowledge been at your fingertips. Yet you’re on instagram, looking at pictures of bikini models. Stop doing it. Go do an online course. Learn about a new subject. Stop using that phone. It eats away your precious life. It makes you a dull person and it curves your back. Stand straight, breathe in the air and think of what you’re going to learn about today. On this day, that you don’t have to be with a partner’s friends or parents you secretly dislike. Or walk in some mall looking for a pair of boots you could care less about. This is your moment to improve as a man and you have all possibilities. You’d be crazy if you don’t use them. There’s so many things to learn – you have no excuse to be bored. Ever. The choice is debilitating, but start somewhere. Start with STEM-subjects. Learn science or that new language. Start finding out what you like. It might be something you never expected, such as soil science, fixing cars or even plumbing. Skill up. Learn trades. Go with masters and see what they do.
You save money and above all time when you’re single. Spend it on you, just you. Don’t spend it on dates. The best dates can be completely free. If you’re in good company, a walk around the lake feels like a flight amidst the stars. Don’t be pressured into buying expensive drinks and building up credit card debt. You’ll hate yourself for it in ten years. Learn the subject. Whether it’s silly or not, it doesn’t matter. Learn a subject for one hour. If you focus on learning something for an hour, you’ll know more about it than 95% of the people.
Go do meditation. Look up how to do it. You might grow to like it and do it every morning. Take notes in a book. Look back in ten years and laugh about what you wrote down. Go work out. Your body is all you have. Don’t let it degrade. Ever. How good would you feel when you’re thirty-five being in better shape than when you were twenty-five? You’ll love yourself for it. But it takes effort. Don’t forget you’re all in. Push yourself, as hard as you can. Above all, remember that if you do today what someone else doesn’t, tomorrow you can do what someone else can’t. It’s not about competition, you only compete with yourself. As a single man, you have no excuse not to improve every day. If you don’t, assess what went wrong. You have the time for it. Make each day better than the last one. Leave the earth better than you found it. Affect people in a positive way. It’s all that matters – and while you’re doing what you like, you’ll beam with confidence. You might even find someone you fall in love with. But always remember, being single is just pretty, pretty fantastic! Love yourself for it, and do so starting from today.
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