Mental turmoil and the state of allowing

Sadly, mental health is very rarely discussed in everyday conversation. Even though most, if not all people, have their issues sometimes. Just like the human body, the mind can have its dysfunctions. It’s very normal to not always feel happy or optimistic. You’d be surprised how many people go through their own mental episodes. The mind is a beautiful instrument. Even though the human body decays and eventually will seize to exist, our brain can, in its current state, use its vast imagination. You can think any thought imaginable. You can place yourself in any situation, in any place in the universe. You can literally play any scenario like a movie. It’s a framework of your previous experiences, mostly from childhood, and your current view of the world. Your mind can project a seemingly real imagination and it will feel very real for you. Therefore, our mind often goes on and on imagining situations that might or might not happen. These thoughts are not always positive.

In some cases, the mind can turn itself against you. It doesn’t necessarily become an enemy inside your own body. It can, however, replay thoughts that you become attached to. In such case, you might grow to feel like a prisoner of your own brain. This is frightening, as an inexperienced person will likely not know what to do in such case. Depression or anxiety can take over a perfectly fine day and turn it into turmoil, leaving you feeling exhausted and tense.

Many stones are unturned. People don’t talk about what bothers them mentally, even though good friends and family will most certainly be open to listening to what’s on your mind. Another possible issue is that people don’t know how to deal with a friend going through mental turmoil. If it’s especially bad, a friend might even be overwhelmed by a sudden outburst. Often, people keep their feelings for themselves until they all come out. Then, a friend will be surprised and wonders where it all suddenly came from. Yet, they will do their best to help you. That’s what friends are for. It helps to just tell them you want them to listen to you. When you tell people what bothers you, unconsciously they’ll be thinking of a way to solve your problem. People are practical and like to provide advise. Sometimes unasked, yet always well-meant.

Your friend will in any case feel more at ease if you say you just want to be listened to. If people don’t feel like having to come up with a solution, they’ll hopefully be more focused on the conversation and listen carefully. Then, once you found someone whom will listen, don’t water down your thoughts. Get it off your mind and tell exactly what needs to be told. Air your mind, it will help give some clarity. You might feel a lot better once someone has heard your story. Perhaps, the friend already picked up some cues from your behaviour. Perhaps, you’ve been staying in more lately or you seem a bit concerned about some things going on in life. You’d be surprised how easily people pick up on these cues. Over the years, people tune into you. Sudden changes in behaviour will not go unnoticed. This is not a bad thing; we all feel a bit off sometimes so people will not directly see sudden behaviour changes as something to be concerned about. Life is hard sometimes and each and everyone will understand if you can’t bear it at some points. Your mind can, above all, make life seem much harder than it is. At other times, there’s things that happen in life that have a severe mental impact. We’ve all gone through such periods so there’s no need for any examples; let’s focus on how they feel.

It can sometimes seem like you’re alone in the world with your thoughts and troubled mind. People seem to walk along the streets doing their daily business. They seem turned into themselves, not having many problems. It’s like only your mind is running unnecessary errands. You’re overthinking something silly you said, or maybe it’s worse and you think a minor pain is a fatal disease. There’s countless tricks your mind can play on you to get you in its grip. It can be downright scary. You might have caught yourself off-guard a couple of times. After a while, you notice you’ve cast adrift. Lost in thought, you walk the streets or ride the bus and suddenly notice how unaware of your surroundings you were. You missed your bus stop or lost track of time completely. Your cheeks might be tense, a physical reaction to stress. You feel the shoulders are completely tense. You feel like you’re wandering an empty path through a dark forest. And even though people around you are bubbly and having fun, you might not be able to join this when you are worried or stressed. Whether this is actually depression or an anxiety disorder, I’m not the person to tell you. Yet, I can tell you there’s a way out. There’s not an easy way. There’s no quick way. Yet, you have to deal with it. There’s nobody to deal with it but yourself. People can listen and provide professional help. By all means, consider these if you find it necessary. You can’t run away from your own mind. Distractions such as fast entertainment, drinking or unproductive distractions only last that long. At the end of the day, you’ll find yourself in bed still anxious or stressed. Therefore, it’s good to start confronting your fears or (ungrounded) worries.

Some of the best ‘natural healers’ are friendship, for we lose ourselves when we share an experience with someone. You’ll get energized from being with a good friend, especially once you’ve managed to tell the person that you’re not always feeling well lately. You’ll get to a new level of trust with this friend, which can only grow your friendship. You talk about what bothers you, and perhaps your friend has something to disclose to you as well. You’ll then notice that you’d also like to offer a solution.

Strangely, thinking of a solution for others seems to be easier than for ourselves. I’m unaware of the exact reason but I noticed it myself. Perhaps, it might have something to do with that we’re our own biggest critics. Sometimes, negative self-talk, extreme judgement on one’s own status, performance or appearance, are downright hostile. Just a thought: would you talk to a good friend in the same way you talk to yourself? Unless you’ve gone through some phases of awareness and grew to become a self-confident person, most likely not. Yet, you tolerate your self-criticism. Why instead of being one’s own critic, not become a supportive friend to yourself? Cut yourself some slack. Realize that everyone is putting their best foot forward; you do not see what’s behind someone’s pretty face or what the person who seems to have it all together is battling with. You see the worst of yourself. And, you see the best of others. This is what they show you. It is, for that reason, not a good idea to continuously compare yourselves to others. Healthy competition, sure, but keep it in reasonable measures. If your mind seems to turn against you, you’re anxious or crippled by stress, just remember that many people go through it on a daily bases. You’re never alone in this. Billions of people have walked the earth with the same problems you face. They’ve kept it for themselves, they’ve disclosed it to loved ones, they’ve gotten through it. There’s no reason why you would not be able to.

One thing anyone can apply when thoughts seem to take over, is conscious breathing. If you tense up, you’ll realize you’re breathing with your chest only. This is shallow breathing. Your breathing has a direct relationship with how you feel. If you breath more slowly, from your belly this time, you can’t help but relax a bit. Stay conscious of the deep breathing you’re doing. Don’t exaggerate it, just remember to inhale deeply instead of just into your chest. It will be a whole improvement. Keep a straight posture. “The mind follows the body and the body follows the mind”. If you crawl up into a ball, breathe hastily and spend days indoors, you will grow to be more anxious. Especially if you’re already going through an episode. Compare this to when you’re on a mountain, standing straight, inhaling deeply. You can’t help but feel better, no matter how much the mind may bug you. The body and mind are connected. If you feel anxious, your whole physicality will live up to that feeling. Also, if you’re cocooned in a blanket on your couch, your mind will follow what the body is doing. The mind is directly influenced by what you do in this very moment. If you’re in an environment triggering anxiety, if you start breathing very shallowly, your mind will turn into its anxious state which you dislike so much.

Apart from the deep breathing, walking always helps. Any physical activity. If you’re in bed, exhausted and afraid, you shouldn’t stay there. Don’t sleep for twelve hours. Get out and take that walk. You will feel some relief. We’re made to move, do it at least every day. Take a walk around the block. Focus on the breathing. Each three steps you inhale, the next three you slowly exhale.

Now that you’ve changed your physical environment, moved a bit and improved your breathing, you’re halfway there. This will not dissolve your thoughts. You can still be raging on inside your head whilst taking a quiet walk. It doesn’t matter. Continue. There’s more you can do. Once home from your walk, take a hot shower. It can be nice and long. Use your favourite scrub, put some candles, maybe some music. Treat yourself. Be a friend to yourself. You would prepare a nice bath for your loved one, why would you not take the utmost care of yourself? Entirely personally, I think that it’s unhealthy that we tend to forget ourselves so much yet put others on a pedestal. Many people do themselves short just because they are programmed to please others. We should love ourselves just as much. In fact, we should love ourselves in the first place. Always. See yourself, your physicality, as a large bucket. It’s filled with all that you are as a person. A part of it is self-love. This part should be so large that, in fact, your bucket is overflowing. The remains of your self-love, you share with other people. Only if you love yourself, take care of yourself, you can take care of other people. You can take care of people when downright hating yourself, but it’s what I see as unhealthy.

Yes, it’s great to take care of other people. Even more so; it helps relieve anxiety. Taking care of others releases the hormone oxytocin, the so-called “cuddle hormone”. It’s a fascinating hormone you might want to look into. Or, just hug your best friend and have it released into your body instantly. I stick with my point: love yourself and then love others. You’re the only person you share your whole life with. There’s nobody who can and nobody who will be able to love you more than yourself. Then, share your love with others. It’s an emotion you generate. Once it’s inside you, only then it can ooze out into other areas of your life.

Now you’ve enjoyed your hot shower, pour a glass of wine and put on a good series. Practice your awareness, or do some meditation. A subject I’ve been studying for years with great fascination is the state of allowing. It’s a path that you turn into and, from that point on, you will not look back. It starts with you having to become more aware of your thoughts and surroundings. It helps to sit comfortably. Then, you can start the phase of allowing. It’s only observing your thoughts, see them pass by like clouds in the sky. You don’t engage with the thoughts, yet you also don’t try to get rid of them. Just observe them. Watch them come and go. Don’t become attached to any of them. You’ll get into a natural state of flow. A path of no resistance. Because, once you resist a thought, you will only strengthen it. If you look at a small mountain creek, you see the water rushing down. It has one and the same direction. There’s nothing moving up against the current. Everything moves downstream, nothing is struggling to make its way back up. You see that nature has no place for objects fighting the current. The flow is followed. If a fish were to swim against the current, it would only experience more resistance. It’s not doing the fish any good. Whereas if the fish just let go, it would follow the flow of life. The water will lead the fish. The fish lets go and trusts where it’s being taken to. In a state of allowing, you do the same. You stop trying to answer your anxious thoughts or worries. Don’t address them, don’t pretend they don’t exist. Don’t tell yourself they are just thoughts. Don’t tell yourself anything. Just look at them like a scientist observes a subject. Quietly. Let the thoughts pass by, imagine yourself looking at clouds. Even better, look at them on a cloudy day.

Once you practice this state of allowing, you’ll get more settled into it. It will become more natural. It’s not a technique. Don’t see it as such. Because, if you start using it as a technique, the mind will still find a way to influence you and keep you in its grip. The thing is that you don’t need to do anything at all but observing. And, this can be one of the hardest things to do for the mind. It might seem impossible at first. You must surrender to each thought. Let it have the best of you. Let it pass through. There’s nothing that a thought can do by itself. See your mind as a computer sorting out some updates. Remember the rattling noise old computers made? Your mind does the same. It has momentum and the momentum needs to run out. Your state of worry must lose its fuel. See the mind as a speeding car. As long as you keep fueling it, you keep the car speeding up. Now, just let it run freely. The car will eventually stop if you take no interventions at all. Each time you engage with a worry, you strengthen it. When you try to ignore it, you strengthen it as well. Let them sit where they are. They will pass by. Becoming comfortable in the state of allowing takes a lot of time. It might be a year. Start it. You will go through a phase of ‘release’. It depends on how much resistance you built up inside yourself how much the ‘release’ will bother you. It’s energy being released as you’re finally allowing it to pass through. It can be very uncomfortable. Yet, you can allow it. Nothing bad will happen in a state of allowing. Your resistance, built up through your life, is being released. It might take months to years for it to be completely released. You won’t reach a state of bliss. You’ll reach balance. One thing is for sure, each mind has its worries. Only if you can balance these with the positive things in life, will you live healthily and happily. A state of bliss is not natural either. If you released your resistance and have had many thoughts pass by, your state of allowing will become natural to you. You’ll be more grounded in your being. And, once you started, there’s no way back to the unaware, unconscious state the mind once found itself in.

The article I wrote is just a pointer for dealing with bothersome thoughts. For allowing them. It helps to seek help from friends and family, and, where needed, from counsellors. The only thing I want to share is what you can do yourself. It’s meant to make you think. Or, actually no, it helps to stop thinking some times. To look outside at the clouds, and give yourself a break.

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© copyright 2017 - All Rights Reserved

Reflections on moving abroad

Living abroad, albeit for a short period of time, will change your life. If you’re open to it, your host country will influence your very being. If you open up completely and let the daily habits, the culture and the people you get in touch with into your life, you will become another person. You’ll see things from several perspectives at once. In your home country you, hopefully, had a steady and fulfilling life. Still, you decided to go for a change. This means you are already open to the world – you do not settle for what comes naturally to you. You’ve realized that the world does not end at your doorstep and you get ready for change. It takes a level of confidence to leave your hometown. Even if you stay in your own country, leaving the cosy nest is not an easy step. Leaving abroad may even be tougher, no matter how pleasant the surroundings you may find yourself in. After all, no matter how long you stay abroad, you will change as a person. It happens gradually. You might get a culture shock, although that entirely depends on what you’re used to and how different the place is of where you come from. Most likely, you will do just fine. But, as with any challenge, there are moments when you think “Why did I even do this?” Hopefully, these are short-lived. Because one change you go through, for sure, is that you get more independent, more confident and you do develop a whole lot of life experience. No matter how good or bad your experience may be, it's put in the suitcase of experiences you will carry around for the rest of your life.

Who would’ve thought

From being a small child, most of us already know whether we’re meant to settle down or not. Whether we want to see the world first or live abroad for a while. Deep down, we know we wouldn’t be satisfied with the cookie-cutter lifestyle. Although there’s nothing wrong with that, on the contrary, it can be nice and peaceful. However, not just yet. We are meant to explore and absorb what the world has to offer first. After all, we’re young and what’s really stopping us? If you meet someone, you can always settle down. Once you decide to take the move, you’ll know if you make the right decision by the way it feels. Yes, it’s exciting and even downright scary. But that’s fine. As long as you still feel some level of excitement, or at least mixed feelings, you’ll be alright. If you’ve decided that you want to spend a period abroad, you’ll take steps to reach that goal. Each decision you make, will consciously and unconsciously get you on the right path. You start reading up about the host country or even find a job. There’s perhaps a volunteering job, maybe you have enough money that you don’t need to work for the first period. If not, you’ll probably start saving and looking for a place to stay. The excitement grows once a place such as an apartment caught your eye. There’s butterflies in your stomach if you call a broker. You check what’s to do in the area. What supermarkets are there? What restaurants and what do they serve? You look around with Google Streetview and already imagine yourself walking along these city streets. Or on the boulevard along the beach. Not a bad life at all, you imagine. Right until you pack your suitcase and say a very heavy and emotional goodbye, at least for now, you’re off. Once you’re in the plane you probably think “Who would’ve thought..” So far, you made it. The adventure is only just starting!

Feeling disoriented

Depending on the country you go and how much you prepared yourself, you might feel rather clueless upon arrival. You might be picked up or you might have to find your way to a hotel or apartment all by yourself. You’re with a couple of suitcases and exhausted of the emotions. You’re figuring out how to get to the city and some people help you with your luggage. You might take a train or bus and look around, soaking up the first impressions. You’re probably too tired to really take it all in, you’re just breathing heavily. Still, there’s a bit of excitement left! Once you find your hotel, most likely it’s time for a shower. If you found an apartment and it’s good, you’ll probably sign a contract soon. Then, it’s time to unpack your suitcases. Or sleep. Or head into the city right away. Any decision is fine, we all deal with the first days in our own way. Most likely, cooking will be the last thing on your mind. Now it’s time for the first benefit; communicating internationally has never been easier. You may call anywhere for free, using Facetime for example. Perhaps, if this was no option, you wouldn’t even have left home. You can see your loved ones and wave at them. This will make your life abroad so much easier on the long run. It truly helps to see people. Just imagine people abroad used to have to write letters, post them, not even being sure if they’d be read. Times have changed. If you’re European, staying in Europe, you have one less hassle, most likely no visas or work permits for you. Yes, you’ll have to register, but this is a breeze compared to the heaps of paper to be signed if you’re moving to another continent. As you go through the first days, you’ll see more of the direct neighbourhood. Perhaps, if you do it smartly, you have a few days off before starting your job/school/insert challenge. You might even have time to go meet some people or travel out of town.

The home front

It feels strange to just talk to your loved ones over the phone. Your phone becomes a life line. You wouldn’t want to lose it, as it’s the easiest way to get in touch with your folks at home. Depending on the relationship with your family, you might call them very often. That’s totally fine. They will understand that you miss home and obviously, you’re missed as well. When a person leaves home, it leaves a gap that’s filled with silence. Please, don’t get out of touch. It’s essential to call regularly. Not only to make an easier transition for yourself, also for the people whom love you dearly and are concerned about what you’re going through. Most probably, you’ll want to show the home front that you’re willing and able to live independently. You want to convince them that you’re an adult, that you were raised well and that you can find your way into this world. You’ll start your day at, for example, work, full of hope and optimism. You look in the mirror, perhaps with a fresh haircut, and tell yourself you look perfect. You’ll be welcomed at your job with excitement, these are the people whom you will spend a lot of time with. You introduce yourself, perhaps speaking a bit of the language already. You’re probably also really nervous not to make a mistake and hope that they really like you. After the first day, you’ll most likely call home in excitement. This will really help the people back home, it gives some assurance that you’re in good hands. No matter your age, people can worry about what you’re up to if you go abroad. Often, people think of the negative aspects so it helps to assure them that you’re enjoying yourself. This doesn’t mean they are pessimists, they just worry about your well-being. It’s unknown, therefore it’s scary.

Growing confidence

After your first month, you’re already navigating yourself through the city effortlessly. You start blending in and in your free time, you visit some sights. Perhaps, you already made some friends from work or school. You might join a gym. You do your groceries and greet the cashier in the local language. It then dawns upon you that you’re already in auto mode. This is only good, it means you’re getting comfortable. This makes you more confident. Regardless of whether you have a relationship or not, a downside is that you will now and then feel loneliness creep up on you. You have not gone through your youth with your new friends. They lack knowing the part of who you were and who you’ve become. They know you only in the way you are now. You’ll mis your friends back home tremendously. You’ll call home but eventually find out it’s not the same. You keep digging up memories and cracking jokes about what you went through together. Yet, there’s no new shared experiences. You plan a visit or your friends visit you. Still, you talk about what’s been. You will hear some fun stories of the group but you’ve missed their birthdays and graduation parties. And they haven’t experienced your crazy night out or that beautiful trip you made in your new country. And it’s fine. It doesn’t have to be the same, we all know it won’t be. Still, keep calling and meet up. Good friends should not be thrown overboard when you leave your country. Never burn a bridge, as you never know if you’ll return. And besides, what’s more fun than catching up after a long time? One thing is sure, if you’re really good friends, your relationship will survive this. Yet, you’ll lose a few friends as well. Some relationships just water down as time moves on. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Not everybody is meant to stay and you’ll have new friends as well. Yet, keep doing the hard work. Don’t disappear. It might feel as if you’re putting in all the hard work, but we’re all busy and should not get out of touch simply for moving away from each other. It’s so easy to stay in contact. And if things really change, don’t be hard on yourself or the other if a relationship does eventually fade away.

New frame of reference

You’ll feel more and more independent. You have your own income, manage your expenses and take some trips. It's likely that you’ll get sick one day. This is part of it; if you don’t have a relationship, you’ll feel weak and alone. If you catch a flue, nobody will make you a tea. Your work friends are, well, at work, and during the week nobody really has time for you. It’s the first time you feel really sad and desperate. You’re shaking in bed, browsing through Facebook. You see a picture of your friends at some party. You might cry whilst pouring yourself a tea. It’s totally fine. These days are part of your experience and yes, they are terrible. Still, you have to continue. Don’t give up. By all means, call a friend, but keep the window blinds open and just remember that sunnier days are coming. You have gone through a lot until now, and one day off the field should not stop you. Relax, focus on your breathing and just surrender to it. You’ll be fine. In your frame of reference, you now have the experience of self-reliance. You coped with sickness when there was nobody else around. You did it, and next day you felt a bit stronger. Treat yourself with something nice. Have a walk through the park, appreciate your new country and realize it’s not all bad.

In your frame of reference, you’ll have reflections on your home country as well. Perhaps it’s not as bad as you always said it was. Sometimes, rain is actually pretty cosy. You might get tired of the sunshine and even long back for your hometown. That’s also entirely normal. You might even start being bothered by a couple of things. The cashier that ignored you or the driver that didn't give way at the pedestrian crossing. Maybe you have to go through bureaucratic procedures or realize your colleagues are not all just as nice. Small things might start to annoy you and you could start feeling very sensitive about little bumps in the road. It helps to take a break, perhaps take your first vacation. Even though you’re abroad already, you should still take days off to have your rest. You did this back home, so keep doing it. Once you’re off, you’ll again feel much better. It was just work or school getting on your nerves, which is perfectly acceptable as well. You’ll feel re-energized. This can also be the period that you truly fall in love with your new country, or maybe just with some things of it.

A benefit is definitely that your folks can come visit you. They will have a new vacation spot to visit, and you’ll be able to show them around. You can help them order drinks in the local language and they will be so proud of you. You can see it in their eyes. You’re their child and you’ve made it on your own. This can only deeply satisfy a parent. One huge downside; they will also leave back home. Tears will flow and possibly, you’ll feel worthless. You wish you could come back home as well. Again, you must pull through. Call them when they’re back home and things are back to normal. Have a drink with friends to take your mind off the goodbye. You’ll meet again soon.

A balanced life

Chances are, you’ll fly back home as well. Even though you feel bad for missing some birthdays, you’ll land with a suitcase packed with presents and just a few clothes. You’re picked up by your folks or friends and you’ll be so happy to be back home. You’ll notice some peculiarities about your own country, things you hadn’t noticed before. Maybe it looks so organized compared to your new country, or you’re bored by the fact that nobody’s out and people just sit inside their homes. It’s strange to walk into a supermarket and hear your language again. Just observe and enjoy your time. Your frame of reference is now growing, you will feel home in both places. This will tremendously help. If all goes well, a benefit is that you can feel at home in two places. You have two feet, one in your home country and one in your new country. Your legs are hopefully just as long. You’ll be a lucky person if you feel balanced, you’re home on either side of the flight. This will take a few years, but it will be easier to go back and forth. You’re an international citizen now, you’re home wherever you feel you are. You’ve become so much stronger and wiser. This is all that really matters. Your growth and your love, shared with the people around you. No matter where they might be.

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© copyright 2017 - All Rights Reserved

Reasons to go travel alone

Traveling spontaneously

Little is more exciting making a coffee and start preparing a good trip. The good part is that you don’t need anyone’s approval to do anything at all. Once you have your paycheck, a backpack and a good pair of shoes, you’re the one deciding. It can be very liberating but to some overwhelming as well. How do you know where to go and if it would even be a successful trip? What if you get lost alone somewhere or end up in a smelly hotel room? This can and will happen if you travel enough and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve slept in hotels where I paid for cold water only as hot cost twice as much. When I got in the room, the hot water tap was simply taken off. Besides, I got lost countless of times. Finding my way always makes for interesting stories. I’ve missed many buses and ended up hitchhiking, meeting some interesting people and even got invited to stay at their place. What seems as a bad experience at first can, many times, turn into a good one in a moment. Be cautious and use common sense and in general, travel is as safe as staying in town. And, if you fail to plan well enough and miss a bus, there’s nobody to blame but yourself. You’re completely flexible and nobody’s there to disagree with any step you take. If you want to sleep early or skip a night walking around a new city, who’s there to stop you? Just yourself and your sour muscles could hold you back.

Reflecting on your life

Honestly, I’m unsure you can travel to get away from yourself. Everywhere you go, you take your past experiences and you are still the same person. If you hate yourself at home it will be worse if you get robbed in a French city, as I unfortunately experienced. However, if you manage to accept yourself without any drawbacks, no obstacle can stop you from enjoying your trip. It’s easier than it sounds, you have to accept all your flaws and past failures and at the same time reflect on what you did well.

I would say you get to know yourself during traveling. You don’t necessarily find a life purpose but you’ll be stranded or find yourself in hotel rooms alone. That’s not a bad thing, it can be a good experience. Few people are good to themselves, unfortunately. More people should be a friend to themselves instead of their own biggest critic. Instead of beating yourself up over past mistakes, when you’re alone you can reflect on these and forgive yourself for everything. You can allow your own thoughts and eventually work towards a balance. It takes a long time. To get there, just treat yourself better. It’s a choice that can be made any time. Get a manicure, yes, men can do this as well. Go out for a good haircut or visit a fancy bar. Go to the cinema alone. Just remember that nobody can treat you better than yourself. Stop caring too much about anyone’s opinion because only few people notice you. They see you but don’t know you so even if you wear hideous clothes on your trip, it doesn’t matter. Unless you’re aiming for a free upgrade on a plane, of course. Besides, who is anyone to judge how you look? As long as you travel comfortably, that’s all that matters. Have some fun with yourself and especially when you make mistakes or get lost. No matter how frustrating or lonely traveling can feel, you can only become more knowledgeable.

When you have sufficient trips under your belt, you’ll feel you’re starting to become a seasoned traveler. You’ll have your liquids ready at the security checks and your jacked neatly folded into a tray, keeping only your passport in your pocket. I once put it in a tray and it fell out inside the machine, resulting in me being scared and the staff teaching me a wise lesson. Keep it on you always. Long flights or train hauls can get tiresome but comfort yourself with the thought that you can always look for company. Once you’re on a trip with whom you thought to be a good friend but it turns out otherwise, things can get sour. It’s hard to drop a travel buddy, especially if you’re coming and planning to leave together. If you’re alone, you can test the waters and see whom you like to be around. You can roam amongst several groups of people and even split your time, tagging along with a group of guys and another week with a friendly girl you met. They can tell you about faraway countries or help you practice a language. And once you want to set off alone again, nobody will bear a grudge. The thing about traveling is that people expect you to go, these relationships are often short lived. That’s not always bad, you can share who you are and don’t have to worry that someone in your hometown will spread a silly rumor. You are free to be yourself alone and in company, how great is that! And, should you really meet someone special, it might result in a lifelong friendship. There’s really no downside to your independence.

Learning to be decisive

If you travel alone, it’s you rolling the dice. Every hotel you sleep in, every city you decide to spend time in. Each place to eat and every night you go out, you have full control over what you do. No need to ask anyone for permission. This might become a bit tiresome and the good thing is that you don’t need to decide anything alone. You can ask people from the city you’re in where you can best spend the night or have a beer. They might even list some options and you can still choose yourself. If you really got indecisive from the freedom of choice, ask anyone where they would go out if they were looking for a fun evening. Who doesn’t like to be asked for advice, after all? Eventually, you’ll learn to make the most of your trip whilst balancing a good night of sleep, or go without sleep if you go out. You’ll decide if you want to sleep on a night train or rather freshen up in a hotel. You’ll learn to value yourself more and will become more decisive. Eventually, after many days, you’ll decide in a split second if you want to stay in town or even hop to another country. You weigh the pros and cons and there’s nothing more to it. No need to negotiate, you’re alone anyway.

Unwinding mentally

There’s few people that are alone with their thoughts anymore. Remember the last time you stared outside and just sat there for a while without grabbing for a phone . These moments help your mind relax and you get to sort your thoughts. If you travel alone long enough, you might get uncomfortable and look for company. If you’re still alone, no matter what thoughts come up, you can observe them from a state of detached awareness. As thoughts come, they will also go if you don’t identify with them. They pass just like clouds and thus you sort out your thoughts, not necessarily holding onto anything and reflecting more if you want to. Your mind sorts out its thoughts at night but why wouldn’t you allow yourself to do the same during the day? If you focus on your breathing and allow yourself to be in the present moment, a dull bus ride can become a truly sensational experience. If you want some input, you can finish the book you’ve been wanting to read. You can listen to a good audio book while dozing off. You can be a complete bore and nobody will try to cheer you up, there’s no need to be ‘on’ all day. Travel is exhausting at times so it’s fine to tune down now and then. The reflective and relaxing mental states you may find yourself in, are not a technique but rather states you will keep wanting to return to. This way, after your trip, you will think back to the day when you stared from the train window to endless wheat fields and you can feel yourself calm down. Travel has a soothing effect, as long as you can deal with being alone with your thoughts and thus being uncomfortable some of the time.

Satisfying your wishes

Most people have travel plans, some have no opportunity to go. Or, it’s only once a year. Many people are holding themselves back by making other lifestyle choices, they rather spend their money in different ways. Yet, the travel itch will return to some of these people. It will not pass. Therefore, if you have this itch and have any opportunity to travel at all, go. Do not let yourself be held back by anything. The reason you think you cannot travel now, will be a ridiculous excuse in the opinion of a single mother with two kids. Reasons why you cannot travel will only grow. People settle down, develop deep relationship and acquire houses and cars. If you think back about your life in the previous year, don’t you feel you had less obligations? You probably did. Responsibilities add up as we grow older, unless you make the conscious decision to live otherwise. No definite choices have to be made, just realize that many people of old age dream of being on the move and free as a bird again. If you have a good pair of legs and the abiliy to go see a place outside your scope, don’t hesitate. Though it may seem scary, it will turn out not to be that way in most cases. Safety and rationality first, there’s nothing else that should get in your way. There’s really no need to go long and far, you can treat yourself to some time off in your own town as well. There are plenty of ways to stop selling ourselves short and enjoy some deserved quality time.

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